My "rescue"

Okay, so the truck and the phone are dying, it’s hot as fuck and I only have the one window cracked. The Xanax bottle in my purse had been screaming my name for the past half hour, but I resisted, thinking I would need a clear head when the inevitable breakdown occurred.

Then, I realized that shit like this is exactly why I have the god damned things. Yeah, I took one. Don’t judge.

I must have passed 10 or 15 beautiful ranches with ginormous homes before hitting a string of shitty run-down places. And then it happened. The fucker just died. It happened so fast, I barely had time to coast off the road and into a severely overgrown yard. In fact, the bumper was still technically in the road.

“I’m gonna walk back to camp” – that was my plan. (dumb ass)

I took a few minutes to decide what I needed to carry with me…one pistol or two? I decided on one. The phone can stay, it’s useless. A half full bottle of water, a pack of smokes, and the bottle of Xanax were the rest of my chosen provisions.

“You havin’ some kinda trouble?”

I turned to see a rather heavy set woman in a motorized wheelchair. I don’t know if it was the sweat in my eyes or fear-blindness (I think I just made that up), but I didn’t notice her absence of legs at that time.

“You need to get the ass end of that truck out of the road. These sum-bitch loggin’ trucks don’t give a shit what they hit”

Well, it won’t crank, so I don’t really have much choice.

“I’ll pull you in my truck. Let me go get my leg“

*BLINK* OMFG, she doesn’t have any legs. How the fuck…

It is at this point that I start to take in my surroundings, the fear blindness was clearing, I guess.  There is a dog on a leash who…OMFG, the leash is long enough that he can walk around in the yard, AND follow Tammy in the house. I also see roosters in the yard, but failed to notice that they were also on chains. More on that later.

I watched, slack jawed, as she pulled herself up into her rusty old truck and fired that loud bitch up.  I admit that I didn’t trust her enough to stand between the two trucks while she was behind the wheel.

So, we got the damn thing out of the road, and quicker than shit, she backed her truck to the precise spot that allowed her to swing back out and land her big ass in that power chair.  Pretty fucking impressive.

“You need to use a phone?”

Won’t do any good. There’s no phone service where my friends are.  I’m  just gonna walk. (I show her my crude little map that I drew before the phone died)

She took a cigarette out of her bra and lit it.

“You ain’t never gonna make it on them roads. I’ll drive you. Let me go change my leg though. They don’t let me drive with this one no more”

End of discussion. Legless Tammy would be driving me back to camp.

I took another Xanax.

To be continued…